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5 Tevet
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may
Yaakov ben Rachel and Elisheva Tziporah bat Chana each be blessed with
an immediate refuah shleima bitoch she'ar cholei yisrael!
I
The key to controlling destructive speech is to develop the ability to judge people to the good.
II
We
can't judge another person unless we have arrived at their place. It
follows that since we can never be in exactly the same place and life
circumstance as another person, we are never allowed to judge anyone.
(This does not mean we have to accept everything and every action)
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a beautiful day!
- Ora
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Posted 12/25/2009 12:00 AM |
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4 Tevet
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may
Talya Chava bat Vichna and Yaakov ben Rachel each merit an immediate
refuah shleima bitoch she'ar cholei yisrael!
I - Rationalization #6
"I was only joking" - in every joke there is an element of truth. Jokes can hurt, too.
II
Jokes
are often what we quickly use to justify saying something that wasn't
really a joke at all, just another poor use of speech.
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 12/25/2009 12:00 AM |
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6 Tevet
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may
Chana bat Freda and Lipman Yoseph ben Yehudah Lev each merit an
immediate refuah shleima bitoch she'ar cholei yisrael.
I
What
is it that makes us sometimes automatically assume the worst about
people? "How could he have not returned my call?", "Why did she say
that about me?", "I cant believe she'd bounce a check - what a crook",
"The cabbie definitely overcharged me- I was ripped off".
II
Humans
tend to make decisions based on very limited information, and through
our own personal belief system. We are also "gifted" with tunnel
vision, seeing what we want to see. We can sometimes we caught up in
ourselves and not see the real picture.
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create
an amazing day!
- Ora
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Posted 12/25/2009 12:00 AM |
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7 Tevet
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Golda Chana Bat Raizel and HindleFaiga bat Rishaeach merit their zivughagunv'nachon,
at the right time with clarity and with joy. May it be an eternal home,
with a strong foundation of Torah and Mitzvot.
very long sorry... but a good and important lesson - worth the read.
I
Rabbi Noah Weinberg zt"l was speaking to a group about judging people
to the good. He was asked how to deal with people who seem so negative
and evil. He replied: "Imagine you were at a corner ready to cross at a
light. All of the sudden from behind someone shoves you into the
street. You fall and get up scratched and dirty; you turn, ready to
give the person who shoved you some of the angriest words you know.
When you turn around, ready to pounce, you see that the person behind
you is wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane. How do you feel
now? Instantly you calm down, and your angerdissipates. He couldn't
help it. he was blind."
II
"That", Rabbi Weinberg said is how we deal with people who appear to us
to be evil and mean. "The person is blind. S/he doesn't wake up in the
morning and decide to hurt people that day. The person literally
doesn't know what they are doing. They are blind". "The next time your
parent, in-law, coworker etc. does something to make you crazy, picture
them wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane. They are blind.
They can't see that they are doing wrong. Help them, guide them, and
show them gently the error of their ways. But don't expect them to
change. A blind person can't see overnight. It takes time, and
sometimes they will never see."
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful and happy day!
- Ora
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Posted 12/25/2009 12:00 AM |
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Friday 10 Kislev & Shabbat 11 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Mendel Shmuel ben Zissel be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch she’ar cholei yisrael!
Friday - 10 Kislev
Perhaps before we think of speaking negatively about someone, we could imagine the trials they are enduring. Perhaps they are suffering financial difficulties, marital problems, physical pain, or a loss of some kind.
Shabbat - 11 Kislev
Perhaps they have some external sign of their suffering that we’d notice if we paid attention. Surely then we would find it easy not to cause them further anguish by speaking ill of them.
(Lessons taken from Finding the Right Words by Rosally Saltsman)
Create for yourselves and for everyone around you a spiritual and restful shabbat!
Shabbat Shalom!
- Ora
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Posted 11/30/2009 12:00 AM |
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12 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
Mazal tov Tamar bat Sara and Tinok ben Tamar! May you both be blessed with health, happiness, and only revealed good ad meah viesrim!
I
The person who is the topic of discussion at hand is obviously being killed. Such people are going about their business innocently, oblivious to the fact that we are speaking about them and affecting the way others view them. Irreparable damage can be done with every word.
II
A person’s reputation - their good name - is certainly a major part of his or her joy of existence. Money can always be earned back fairly easily, but a reputation for honesty, integrity, and kindness, for being a loving spouse, a good parent, a charitable and righteous person, while developed over years, can be wiped away instantly in a flash of negative speech. Depending on the circumstances, it may be nearly impossible to restore it to its original level.
(Lessons taken from Gossip - Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/30/2009 12:00 AM |
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9 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Chana Bat Gittel be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch she’ar cholei yisrael.
Each time we speak negatively of others it is like killing 3 people: 1- The Speaker
I
The speaker has been given the gift of speech and they are using it to pit one person against another, to put others down, and to speak of other people’s private business.
II
The speaker is also being killed in the eyes of all those are listening. The moment someone speaks badly they become known as the type of person eager to speak gossip and quick to share the dirt. They will not be the person others come to for advice or with whom they entrust their lives.
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/29/2009 12:00 AM |
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7 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Nava Shirel Bat Chava Shoshana be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael.
I
The reasons people speak destructively constitutes a long list, but at the core, these reasons derivee from a place of insecurity, self-absorption, pettiness, and further feelings of inadequacy.
II
Speaking badly about people is a form of protection. What we don’t like about ourselves, we often tend to point out in another. Be aware of this, and soon what we each personally need to work on will become clear.
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/26/2009 12:00 AM |
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8 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Shimon Eliyahu ben Nechama Breindel be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch she’ar cholei yisrael.
I
"Even in your thoughts do not curse a king, and in your bedchamber do not curse the rich, for a bird of the skies may carry the sound and some winged creature may betray the matter" (Ecclesiastes 10:20).
II
"There is no cheaper high for self-importance addicts than trivializing and belittling others. It gives people the feeling of superiority without any need to actually be superior" (Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller).
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Thank you for learning!
Create an awesome day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/26/2009 12:00 AM |
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2 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Tinok ben Penina Yosefa be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael.
I
G-d created the mouth that can open and close, He gave us a tongue surrounded by barriers - lips and teeth - all to teach us something: There are times to open our mouths, and there are times to close them, and there are times to put barriers up against what we are about to say.
II
Speech is power.
(Lessons taken from Gossip - Ten Pathways to Eliminate it from Your Life and Transform Your Soul by Lori Palatnik)
Create a beautiful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/23/2009 12:00 AM |
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Friday 3rd Kislev & Shabbat 4th Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
Mazal Tov Chava bat Rochel! May you and your chatan be blessed with health, happiness, and only revealed good. May you merit to build an eternal home, with a strong foundation of Torah and Mitzvot.
Friday - 3 Kislev
The Baal Shem Tov would say that other people serve as a mirror for us. Whenever we see a negative trait in someone else it is because we have it in ourselves. If someone sees the good in someone else, it is because they themselves are worthy.
Shabbat - 4 Kislev
Being careful with how we speak can be very difficult. As we begin refraining more and more from speaking negatively of others, we may notice that we still may desire to speak it, in spite of the dramatic improvement in our character.If we find ourselves slipping, its important to remember not to get down on ourselves and not to give up. We should be happy with our efforts. Take encouragement every time we think of speaking negatively and don’t. Be delighted every time we want to say something destructive but refrain. Take pleasure every time we catch ourselves. It is difficult. Dont be discouraged by small failures, but instead, build on our small successes!
(Lessons taken from Finding the Right Words by Rosally Saltsman and Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a beautiful, spiritual, and holy Shabbat!
Thank you for learning!
Shabbat Shalom!
- Ora
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Posted 11/23/2009 12:00 AM |
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5 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Yifat bat Rina and Tehila Zisel Bluma bat Hadassa each be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael.
If we consider the reasons behind speaking negatively we realize that its source lies in very unhealthy rationalizations including:
I
If I put others down, somehow I will feel up. The worse I paint the lives of others, the more my life looks better.
II
When I gossip I am popular, and I get everyone’s attention. All eyes are on me and now I feel like a somebody (but at someone else’s expense). (We may feel popular at the moment, but are certainly not the person who others will come to trust and respect).
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/23/2009 12:00 AM |
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6 Kislev
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Penina Yosefa bat Vichna be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael!
More common reasons for why sometimes people can speak negatively about others:
I
Life is boring - gossip makes it more interesting. (Pretty sad if destroying other lives is how we overcome our own emptiness and make our lives more interesting)
II
What else is there to talk about? (How about how we can help others, the meaning of life, or the thousands of other positive topics?)
(Lessons taken from Gossip by Lori Palatnik)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/23/2009 12:00 AM |
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30 Chesvhan- Happy Rosh Chodesh
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Chaya Adira Chana Bat Shoshana* be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael!
I
We need to be careful not to report that someone else has spoken negatively about another person. This is considered degradation and portrays the person in a negative light.
II - examples
"My mother told all her friends how annoyed she was with one of her neighbors"
"My boss told the whole office about my mess-up at work"
(Lessons taken from Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman and Hilchot Lashon Hora)
Create a beautiful, holy, and happy Rosh Chodesh Kislev!!!
- Ora
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* Chaya Adira Chana Bat Shoshana is about 22 years old and has been married for 2 years and lives in Kiriyat Sefer without any relatives in Israel. She was in her ninth month of pregnancy and was rushed to the hospital. She was having seizures and fell into a very deep coma. Her brain started hemorrhaging. The doctor said that there is no way in nature that she can get out of the coma. She is no longer breathing on her own. They are hoping to drain some of the fluid out of her brain so that she can gather strength and then maybe undergo a very dangerous brain surgery to try to save her life. Her baby girl was delivered in an emergency c-section because she stopped breathing and her mother was comatose. The husband, 23 years old, just lost his mother 5 months ago and now he is with a baby girl and a wife who’s chances of survival are very low and even if she survives, who knows what kind of state she will be left in. Please, please, daven for Chaya Adira Chana B-s Shoshana and her baby girl and family.
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Posted 11/19/2009 12:00 AM |
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1 Kislev - Happy Rosh Chodesh
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
This learning is dedicated liiluy nishmat Adira Chana bas Shais.
I
Speech is where the body and soul meet - the soul’s aspirations are given physical form and come into the world through speech.
II
Have we done something significant with this precious gift? Have we used it for its ultimate good, letting a child know love, building self-esteem, moving groups toward positive goals, bringing people closer together, correcting an injustice?
(Lessons taken from Gossip - Ten Pathways to Eliminate it From Your Life and Transform Your Soul by Lori Palatnik)
Create a beautiful and holy day! Happy Rosh Chodesh!
- Ora
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Posted 11/19/2009 12:00 AM |
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25 Cheshvan
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Elka Simcha bat Sara and Chana bat Gittel each be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael!
I
What we sometimes can forget is that when we judge someone and then talk negatively about them, besides the problem that we are speaking negatively (lashon hara), we are also not fulfilling the commandment of "bitzedek tishpot et amitecha" "with righteousness we should judge our people".
II - example
Mr. X tells his friend "look at Y. He is always late for davening/prayers"/ Mr. X doesn’t realize that speaking negatively about Y is much worse than coming late for prayers.
(Lessons taken from Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman and Hilchot Lashon Hora by the Chafetz Chaim)
Create a wonderful day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/16/2009 12:00 AM |
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Friday and Shabbos 26, 27 Cheshvan
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Yenta bat Gittel and Julie bat Marilyn each be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael.
Friday - 26 Cheshvan
Even when we are upset or grieving or in any other extreme emotional state, we need to be careful of what we say, be aware of who is listening to our words, hear not only what is said but what is implied, and make sure that our deeds don’t leave an opening for someone to speak negatively about us even in the distant future.
Shabbat - 27 Cheshvan
Just as we are not allowed to reveal that someone did something wrong or sinned, so too we are not allowed to discuss someones bad character traits such as a strong temper, lazy nature, stinginess etc.
(Lessons taken from Finding the Right Words by Rosally Saltsman and Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman)
Create a wonderful beautiful and holy shabbat!
- Ora
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Posted 11/16/2009 12:00 AM |
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28 Cheshvan
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Pinchas ben Nurit and Shira Shayna bat Bracha Chaya each be blessed with an immediate refuah shleima bitoch shaar cholei yisrael.
I
As we learned, one primary area of negative speech we need to be careful to avoid is degradation, specifically when it comes to speaking about peoples bad character traits. This applies even if we justify the reasons for the trait.
II - examples
"My brother became very lazy since his Yeshiva is so lenient regarding coming on time to classes"
"My grandmother was a very nervous mother since she experienced many hardships in her life"
(Lessons taken from Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman and Hilchot Lashon Hara by the Chafetz Chaim)
Create a wonderful day!
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Posted 11/16/2009 12:00 AM |
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29 Cheshvan
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Yael Rivka Esther bat Aliza Tzemach and Miriam Hencha bat Nechama Leah each merit their zivug hagun v’nachon, at the right time with clarity and with joy. may it be and eternal home, with a strong foundation of Torah and Mitzvot.
I
Revealing that someone lost their temper is considered degradation as we are speaking negatively about someone elses actions/traits. We need to be really careful to avoid this, even if it is said as a "by the way".
II - example
You called your neighbor to ask hr if your son could be dropped off at her house after school and she agreed. Later you call to say "Sarah, I called the school in the morning to make the bus change. Oh, you should have heard how the secretary yelled at me for bothering her."
(Lessons taken from Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman and Hilchot Lashon Hora)
Create an amazing day!
- Ora
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Posted 11/16/2009 12:00 AM |
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22 Cheshvan
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Please Say/Whisper the Words out Loud
In merit of this learning may Yael
Rivka Esther bat Aliza Tzemach merit her zivug hagun v’nachon, at the right time
with clarity and with joy. may it be and eternal home, with a strong foundation
of Torah and Mitzvot.
I
It is important to be careful not to speak
negatively about someon’e family.
II - examples
"I heard that X’s
parents are dishonest"
"The X family is having massive fights over their
fathers inheritance"
"That family puts on a show but they are really snooty
and not as religious as they make themselves out to be"
(Lessons taken
from Purity of Speech by C.T. Friedman)
Create a wonderful day!
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Posted 11/10/2009 12:00 AM |
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Important Numbers
