- Q. I met an older couple at shul that I call by their first names. Subsequently, the wife developed dementia and had to be put in a home. Her husband would like to take her to the family cottage and needs assistance to dress her, change her diaper, etc. I am experienced doing this so he has asked me if I would be willing to do this for pay.
I am wondering if this would be a ‘Yichud’ (secluding prohibition) issue since even though they are a married couple, we will be out of town and she is not fully cognizant of the situation. I am not sure if there will be other family members there to mitigate the situation. Would asking a girlfriend to join us work to avoid Yichud or do you have any other suggestions?
A. On question 2666 regarding an elderly person confined to his home, used to have a male attendant taking care of his needs, for a few hours a day. Due to the virus crisis, he quit, and now the only available help is a woman. He is very concerned for the issues of yichud with her. Is it permitted that while she is with him, he should turn on his phone and call a friend while the phone camera is on, so the friend can check on him from time to time?
Is that permitted equally in other situations of yichud, such as an office, for men and for women also?
To what we answered. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it is permitted in both cases. See similar questions 346, 828, 2469 and 2252.
On question 3294 regarding if it is permitted to be an Uber driver if one has to drive women passengers at night in deserted streets. due
How about a woman taking a similar ride even on a taxi. is that permitted?
To what we answered; “Indeed it is a difficult situation to solve. Even during daytime the Uber car should not have tinted windows.
However, there is relief if the Uber driver places a video camera in his vehicle, as is common in similar situations.
On question 828 we wrote: “Horav Nissim Karelitz Shlit”a (quoted in Moriah-Elul 5771 p.146) maintains that security cameras are to be regarded as an open door to the street in regards to the Yichud prohibition, which the Node Beyihuda (E.H. 71) permits. He mentions that they do not have to be scrutinized on real time, as long as there is a possibility that the tape (or digital recording) could later be seen, it is an effective deterrent.
Minchas Ish (p. 267) permits Yichud inside the safe deposit-box room in banks, due to the presence of security cameras. See also Nitey Gavriel (Yichud 45: 8 – p 283). See also questions 2666, 2252 and 2288.
As far as a woman traveling in a Taxi or an Uber in those conditions, we wrote in a similar question (828): “Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit'a has advised on similar situations to take your cell phone with you and leave it with the camera on facing you, while a friend is checking on you.”
You should follow the above in your case.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. On question 2179 regarding if a metal ice-cube tray maker (the tray filled with water you place in the freezer, for making ice cubes) require tevilah? And does the glass ice-cubes container and tongs you place on the table require tevilah? Does an ice pick require tevilah? If any one of them do, is it with a brocho?
You answered: “Tevilas Kelim (11: 8, 132) deals with the tevila of Frigidaire trays, and writes that the common minhag is not to immerse even those made of metal. He quotes Horav S.Z. Auerbach zt'l, that although food is placed on directly on those trays, since they are part of an appliance that is normally made to remain stationary, it is similar to items attached to the ground, that do not require tevila. The trays however, are also not normally taken out of the Frigidaire.
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that the ice-cube tray maker, that usually remains inside the freezer in principle needs no tevila, but if possible one should do so without a brocho. The glass ice-cubes container and tongs you place on the table should preferably be immersed also without a brocho.
Some Poskim rule that a Metal Ice Cream Scooper requires tevila with a brocho because it comes it contact with edible food. (Kof-K and OU.com).
The Rov maintains that an ice pick should be immersed, since it could often be used for handling and seizing food, such as meat to be roasted on a fire. If in doubt, it should be done without a brocho”.
Q. Hi. See questions and answers above. Can the Rav explain the reasoning why R’ Shlomo shlita felt that the ice cube tray may not require tevilla? Is it because it typically is not brought to the table? Then why would the tongs and container not require one with a brocha as it does indeed come to the table? Is ice not considered a food item? Or is
turning water into ice not considered adequate food preparation? What are the sevaros ?
A. Horav Dovid Pam Shlit’a explained that when the utensil in question, even when placed on the table, if it is not used to eat directly from it, one should indeed do Tevila but without a brocho.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. On question 3796 you wrote regarding: “The Gemoro says in Shabbos one should not treat one son different among his sons. Is it proper or not proper to leave in a will a double portion to a Bechor, (first born). On one hand we see that when there is no will the bechor gets a double portion of the inheritance.
On the other hand, perhaps that doesn't create jealousy because that is what the Torah commanded for inheritance. Whereas when it comes from the father’s will to give the Bechor a double portion, perhaps this does create jealousy and is not what Chazal intended. Similarly, what would be the proper outlook as far as the sons inheriting and not the daughters?”
To what you answered: “See question above. If one was to write a correct will that follows both Halachah and the law of the land, one can distribute his assets in proper different ways as is needed and following the opinion of the competent Bis Din, Rabbi and legal authority, he may also follow therein some of the ways that the Torah sponsors.”
My question is: I think the question was misunderstood. It is clear from question 3796 that one could and should write a will that is both Halachah and legal, but the question is, when writing a will, is it proper to divide one's assets according to the way it would be divided according to the Torah if a will had not been written, or is this not suggestible because of the issue expressed in the Gemoro Shabbos 10b, that one should not favour one child in front of the other children.
Similarly, the same question would be in regards to leaving an inheritance to the sons and not the daughters, is this something that Chazal would advise or not?
A. Horav Dovid Pam Shlit’a explained that it is common and expected that each particular family situation and condition, should be usually unique and different from others and therefore their needs are specific and require special solutions. Hence, it is not unusual that changes to the basic principles of inheritance our Torah thought us, will have to be implemented in order to obtain a just and proper Yerusha for all receivers.
Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit’a maintains that since all are in agreement and there is no machlokes they should follow the yerushas HaTorah as the Torah commands. At the same time the father should write a very private letter to the son who is a bechor that he is מצוה him מחמת מיתה that if there’s any machlokkes or I’ll will he should agree to divide everything equally with his brothers.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. You wrote on question 3273 “On this year that Tisha Beav is Motzei Shabbat, I heard that Horav Shlomo said that women should try to attend shul at night for Maariv. Why?
To what you answered: “Indeed, the Rov Shlit'a maintains that women on this occasion should daven Maariv (not necessarily in shul) so they can recite Havdalah when saying Shemone Essre, and be permitted to do work, since we do not recite the usual Havdalah until the end of the Taanis, Sunday night.”
My question is: Why is it not enough for the women to say Boruch Hamavdil Bein Kodesh L'chol?
A. Horav Dovid Pam Shlit’a explained that it is far more of the essence and importance if when possible Havdalah is recited as a complete brocho in the Amida and when also praying for the successes of the coming week now to begin.
Normally, the above is achieved when saying or hearing the regular Havdalah.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. One that has the first Yohrzait for his mother on Tu Beav and his tradition is to fats on the day of Yohrzait as he did for his father. Does he fast on Tu Beav?
A. On a similar question 3837 we wrote: “Mishna Berura (573: 7) quotes Magen Avrohom who rules that usually in a day when no Tachanun is recited, one does not fast either, and it includes Tu B’av. There is a minhag by some to make a Seuda during Tu B’av (Karlin Beis Aharon and others. See Nitei Gavriel 98: 7).
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Kevod Horav. Can someone washing some clothing needed for Shabbos, include clothing (for his children) that is not needed now on this Friday Erev Shabbos, also the day after Tisha Beav?
A. Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a ruled it is permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. If a friend takes a shower every morning, can he take one also on this Friday, Erev Shabbat, the day after Tisha Beav?
A. Following the question and answer above, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a ruled that he should not, since he is likely to take another shower before Shabbos, and the morning one is not for the honor of Shabbos.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. May one bring clothing to the cleaners this Friday morning 10 of Av?
A. On question 2798 regarding if one is allowed to wash cloths Motzei (night after) Tisha Beav and shower and change the linens, we wrote;
“Shulchan Aruch (O.H.558: 1) rules that the basic prohibitions of the nine days apply to Motzei Tisha Beav and the following day also. According to the Rema’s opinion, only until chatzos of the day after.
However, Mishna Berura (ibid. 3) opines that when that day is Erev Shabbos as it is in this year, they are all permitted when done for the honor of Shabbos. Although some Poskim maintain that the Kovod of Shabbos begins only Friday morning, others assert that if the intention is dedicated truly for Shabbos, as it would be for washing laundry that my be difficult to do in the day, if it really is needed for Shabbos it could be done on Thursday night also, but only for clothing needed on Shabbos.
Taking a shower would be permitted only if one is not planning to take one tomorrow before Shabbos. (Oz Nidberu 8: 40, Shevet Hakehosi3: 182, Piskei Teshuvos 558: 4).
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that clothing can be washed on Thursday night, Motzei Tisha Beav, when needed for Shabbos, but showers and baths should be avoided until the day.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. I have a problem Rov. I can’t usually fall asleep unless I thing of Divrei Torah I like. Is just thinking Divrei Torah prohibited during Tisha Beav?
A. Shulchan Aruch (O.H. 554: 3) quotes that it is prohibited even thinking of words of Torah during Tisha Beav.
Piskei Teshuvos (ibid.) permits just thinking of Torah when the learning is simple and superficial, and that applies even to topics that are permitted on that day.
He also permits writing superficial, simple small notes in order to remember the ideas for after Tisha Beav.
Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a opinions are similar.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Can one during Tisha Beav read stories of Tzadikim or similar miracle narratives that saved Yiden, when learning Torah is prohibited?
A. In question 2424 regarding if someone can read in a bathroom stories of tzadikim or Jewish history (kosher) seforim. We wrote:
“Vayivorech Dovid (1: 15) and others maintain that it depends on the disagreement mentioned in last question,(2423). Piskei Teshuvos (85: 3) argues that it could be that all agree that it is permitted, when no psukim or sayings of the sages are quoted, (and one controls the mind on not pursuing them). See also questions 2227, 2228 and 2229 as to what is considered Torah.
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is similar.”
In our case Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a maintain that it is permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Dear Rov, I was wondering, since there are limitations to the learning of Torah during Tisha Beav, is there a mitzva at all to learn Torah in that day?
The difference would be in a case of doubt. If there is a mitzva of learning Torah one should be stringent to comply with this Biblical Mitzva as opposed when not. Besides, one should indeed make an effort to engage in learning permitted material!
A. Shevet Yehuda (Y.D. 384: 4) and Erech Hashulchan maintain that indeed that there no mitzva at all to learn Torah during Tisha Beav.
However, most Poskim disagree. And the common accepted minhag is to recite the blessing for Torah learning in the morning of Tisha Beav. See also Piskei Teshuvos (O.H. 554: 1).
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. See question above. Can a woman that teaches to kallahs (brides) about to be married the Halacha of Niddah on Tisha Beav, since time is of the essence. If not, can she teach on Erev Tisha Beav after Chatzot?
A. Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a maintain that it is permitted on Erev Tisha Beav after midday in need, since the prohibition of learning Torah during Erev Tisha Beav after midday, is more lenient and in need one can teach these needed Halachos.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Are women also included in the prohibition of learning Torah during
Tisha Beav? After all they are not included in the regular mitzva of
learning it?
A.
Ribabos
Efraim (2: 155) maintains that women are also included in the
prohibition of learning Torah during Tisha Beav, since they
also enjoy the learning and acquire Simcha. (See Nitei Gavriel 75:
3).
We
must add, the opinion of the
Maharsho (Taanis 30a) who opines that the reason for avoiding Torah
learning is ‘Hessech Hada’as’ or taking one’s mind off and
forgetting the Avelus and mourning of Tisha Beav. So women would be
included.
We
should also mention the ruling of Shulchan Aruch (O.H. 47: 14) that
women recite in the morning the brocho on the Torah. Magen Avrohom
and Beis Yosef mentions that the reason is that they have to learn
the mitzvos that pertain to them. (Biur
Halacha ibid.)
Rabbi
A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and
Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Can a bus driver that takes non- Jewish children to a treatment centre, do so on Tisha Beav before Chatzos (midday)? It is an important part of the drivers monetary support.
A. Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a maintain that it is permitted since it is necessary.
After all we are permitted to travel and sit in a car when going to shul during Tisha Beav.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. My ten year old son wants to make a Siyum after finishing Maseches Taanis during the nine days and wants us to serve meat, is that permitted? (he is doing it on the Yohrzait of his grandmother)
A. Nitei Gavriel (p. 252) permits.
Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit’a mentioned that in principle one should be concerned that the youngster is just doing the Siyum during the Nine Days to be able to gather a nice crowd that want to eat meat and join him.
However, since it is on the Yohrzait of his grandmother, it is permitted and desirable.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. May one wear Bigdei Shabbos for a job interview in 9 days? For a bachur even a tie is a Shabbos beged (clothing). May he wear it to the interview? Is it necessary to don the tie and Shabbos jacket just before the interview and remove right after?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that when it is necessary for Parnassah in case of real monetary need it can be done. However it should be removed immediately after the interview.
Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a opinions are similar.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. One that has balls of hair dangling loosely out of his beard in a way that is noticeable, may he rip them out during 3 weeks? How about knots in the beard or hair?
A. Horav Dovid Pam and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a maintain that it is permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. My neighbour's cat disappeared last winter. While I was cleaning my garage, I found the skeleton of a cat sitting on a blanket in an old stroller. It was only bones, no fur, guts, or anything else, which seemed sort of strange to me. Should I say anything to the neighbour? Can I give the skeleton to them or someone else in a school or does it need to be discarded?
A. Ask your neighbour if he thinks it could be his cat and if he wants the remains.
Q. Someone that has trouble with the idea of fasting, can he take a liquor drink at the Seudas Hamafsekes before commencing Tisha Beav?
A. Mishna Berura (552: 4) rules that it is prohibited. Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that there are several products available that can make the fasting easier and should be taken before the fasting begins
.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Q. Kvod Horav. Last year I had a big argument with a visiting fellow that came to shul on Tisha Beav and was sitting low next to me. He was wearing a pair new tennis shoes (the label curiously was still on them).
I told him that it was prohibited, and he told me that he had asked a Shaila to his Rabbi, and he ruled he can use them. I think he will be returning on this Tisha Beav also. Was he correct?
A. Actually Kovetz Halochos (p. 225) permits if the shoes are dedicated for use on Tisha Beav only.
One may add that the shoes could be dirtied a bit before using them.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
Taanis Bechoros on Thursday, April 10, 2025 Candle lighting on Friday, April 11, 2025 - 7:38 PM Candle lighting on Shabbos, April 12, 2025 - 8:42 PM This week's Torah Portion is Parshas Tzav
Important Numbers
