QUESTION:

On the first date, when a bachur and a young lady are discussing and negotiating their future, what is the second statement one should make?

ANSWER:
The first statement you should also discuss. Whatever the statements are, however one thing I want to tell you that is good advice - don't talk about yourself, and don't be open hearted. It's a fatal error to make admissions, you or she should try to be good salesmen, and you have to sell yourself. That's the purpose of meeting; not to lose a customer. So of course she has to go to the hairdresser before he comes, to make the biggest hit she can, and he has to make the best impression too, but their words are very important.

I want to tell you something, it's not important only to make an effect at this meeting, the first words are remembered for ever and ever. Sixty years later the old lady will remind him what he said then, or he'll remember what she said then. If the first impression is enchanting and entrancing, then that's how it's going to remain. Very important to make the first impression, the best. Now what to say, that needs a whole manual, I won't have time for it now, but what not to say I can surely tell you. Don't say anything wrong about yourself, or about your family, any faults. Try to sell yourself but in a way that will be successful, not a way that it'll make somebody feel that you're boasting.

Now, in the conversation between the prospective choson and kallah, it is very important however to hear the other parties statements. What does that person talk about? It's very important. If the boy talks about his yeshiva, his rebbi, about the shiurim, about his learning, it may be boring to her, but she should listen. It's a sign that his heart is in the Torah, he's interested in learning. If a boy talks about, he attended a wedding in Baltimore, or they have good meals in the yeshiva, other things like that, she should listen too. He should listen to her, what she's interested in. If travel, good times, expensive good times, he should listen. If she's interested in home, in domestic arts, no question it's a very great recommendation. If she's interested in idealism too, he should listen, and let her talk, because that's how he's going to find out if that's the one that he wants.

Good Shabbos To All