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Have a question? Send it in! Questions are answered by Rabbi Bartfeld.
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#5258 Give Big Thanks for Small Blessings?
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- Q. Dear Rabbi. If one is a Baal Teshuva and his parents and grandparents were not religious at all , does he have to keep their Yohrzait and say kaddish and daven for them?
A. On question 3602 we wrote:
" Q. Dear Rabbi Bartfeld, My father was Niftar (perished) when I was young. He himself wasn’t frum nor did he grow up frum, but he did have traditional Jewish values, and was known for his humility and Middos Tovos. I am careful to be mechabed (honor) his Yahrtzeit in accordance with Minhagei Yisroel, i.e. learning Mishnayos, making a tikun, etc.).
I wanted to know what my chiyuv (obligation) is for my extended family (i.e. grandparents) yahrtzeits. Should I be saying kaddish, and observing their yahrtzeitin with learning Mishnayos and making tikkunim?
On the one hand, it is very unlikely anyone else will be saying kaddish for them, as I am one of the few Shomre Torah Umitzvos einekelach.
On the other hand, I harbor resentment at their lack of kiyum of Torah and mitzvos, and therefore why should I take upon this achrayos (both time and financial).
Perhaps I should learn from Chizkiyahu and not be mechabed elterin who did not walk in the ways of HaShem; at least this way they won’t be able to “oseh ma’ase k’zimri umvakesh schar k’pinchas. (demand rewards for wrongs done)”
Kindly let me know da’as Gedolei Torah on this matter?"
To what we answered:
"A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it is correct to learn Mishnayos in their name, simply as Hakaras Hatov and giving thanks, since after all you as a descendant likely benefited in various ways from their efforts, even if they were not intended.
Therefore, thanks should always be given, and no better way to do so, than to be merit them with the mitzva of learning Torah.
According to the Rov, grandchildren do not recite Kaddish for their grandparents on their Yortzait. However, there are different traditions when there is no else to recite for them."
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu Shlit’a
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Posted 1/12/2025 12:50 PM |
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#5257 – A Real Painful Shaila - Really?
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- Q. See question above. Is it also true that parents have more pain when their children suffer, than the children have when their parents suffer?
A. We find in last week's Parsha, that Yehudah was pleading to Yosef to allow Binyomin to return to his father, otherwise his father (Yakov) would die.
Why not plead about the suffering of Binyomin's ten sons?
The Kotzker Rebbe answers "From here we see that parents are in more pain when their children are suffering than the pain children have when their parents are suffering".
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 12:13 PM |
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#5256 -Great Grandparents Love to Grandchildren
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- Q. Kevod Rabenu Shlit’a. I have a number of questions regarding an article I recently saw written by someone close to the Toronto Kollel.
1) Is it true that according to Torah views a parent loves his grandchildren more than his own children?
A. Indeed, Rav Moishe Friedman Shlit’a quoted in his weekly, most interesting, fascinating and valuable points and surprising teachings, known as Emailim Batorah that:
“The Zohar ( Parshas ויחי) writes: "Yaakov bentched (blessed) his grandchildren before bentching his own children because one loves his grandchildren more than his children."
We also find similar ideas in Grandchildren that represent a continuation of the family lineage, and many grandparents experience a deep emotional connection to them. This bond can be stronger than with their own children due to the lessened responsibility and the joy of watching their grandchildren grow.
Unlike parenting, which comes with significant responsibilities and stresses, being a grandparent often allows for a more relaxed relationship. Grandparents can enjoy their time with grandchildren without the day-to-day pressures of parenting.
We must also mention that Rabbi Joshua ben Levi said, “Whoever teaches their grandchildren Torah is regarded as if they had received the Torah from Mount Sinai, as it is said, ‘Teach your children and your children's children.’” Deut. 4:10-11; Kiddushin 30a
The Talmud Yerushalmi puts it differently.
Rabbi Joshua ben Levi used to listen, every Friday, to his grandson reciting the weekly parsha. One week he entered the bathhouse, and after he had begun bathing he remembered that he had not yet heard the weekly parsha from his grandson.
So he immediately got up to leave the bathhouse... They asked him why he was leaving in the middle of his bathing, since the Mishnah teaches that once you have begun bathing on a Friday afternoon, you should not interrupt the process. He replied, “Is this such a small thing in your eyes? For whoever hears the parsha from his grandchild is as if he heard it directly from Mount Sinai” (Yerushalmi Shabbat 1:2).
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon
Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 12:08 PM |
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#5255 – Sing the Right Song at the Right Time
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- See question above Q. When should we on this special occasion sing Sholom Aleichem, Eishes Chail, and recite Kiddush? (When Friday is Asarah Beteveth.)
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that one must wait for reciting Kiddush before breaking the fast. One may not even drink water before Kiddush.
Some make Kiddush right away and sing Sholom Aleichem and Eishes Chayil during the meal.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:58 AM |
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#5254 Time to Daven!
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- See question above - Q. What is the correct time to daven Mincha on on this special year occasion when Friday is Asarah Beteveth.
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that some people daven Mincha early.
The reason for this is because they don’t want to daven the Mincha of a Ta’anis in Shabbos clothes and also because they want to distance the Tefilos of a fast day (a day of mourning) from Shabbos. Also, being that Mincha is longer, it is more practical to daven earlier in the day.
Some daven Mincha as usual (immediately before Kabbolas Shabbos). They simply start earlier because of Leining. Even if your Minhag usually is to daven Mincha after Shkiya, this Friday since we lein and say Aneinu during Shemoneh Esreh, one should make sure to daven before Shekiya. (sunset).
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:56 AM |
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#5253 Offer an Early Mincha!
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- Q. One who usually gets to read maftir on a regular Taanis day, can he also on this special year occasion, when Friday is Asarah Beteveth, receive and read the maftir of Taanis, even if it is already after the Shekia and technically it is already Shabbos?
Should he avoid saying that he is receiving Shabbos earlier than the shekiah is, when he always accepts Shabbos early? What about Tosefes Shabbos?
A. One should try to do all the above on the onset before Shabbos begins.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:53 AM |
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#5252 – Have a Happy Shabbos!
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- Q. If someone is usually stringent and does not wash or shower on a regular Taanit, can one on this Friday take a shower Lichvod Shabath?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that one may do all of their Shabbos preparations as usual; one can also take a shower or bath as they usually do for Shabbos. One may also have a haircut or shave.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:48 AM |
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#5251 – Mourning Until the Morning?
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- Q. An Avel that is sitting shiva since this last Sunday and will have to end Shiva before Shabbos on Friday which is also Asarah Beteveth and will be davening Mincha in Shul with the reading of the Torah.
When does he end his Shiva? Can he have an Aliya Latorah on the mincha of that day?
A. In principle, he is still ordained on the shiva principles until the morning of Shabbos, keeping the private prohibitions that are not seen as mourning in public. He can’t get an Aliya Latorah on mincha before Shabbos.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:45 AM |
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#5250 No News is Good News?
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- Q. I read something in a recent Yeshiva News head article and I’m worried about of the truth of it. It quoted Nancy Pelosi statement that: ”Women are known to be more ethical than men.” Those that reflect in any way our “Da’as Torah?”
I also wonder if one should say a Bracha on seeing her (the bracha on extreme elderly person) since she is over 84 years?
A. Horav Aharon Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that even if this type of articles are quoted in and by Torah institutions they should not necessarily be repeated, unless there is a valid and real Torah lesson to be learned from them.
One does not recite the blessing on the elderly unless one actually sees them. (not on line). Besides she is not the person one should recite any brochos on.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:38 AM |
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#5249- A Matter of Taste
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- Q. On Asarah Beteveth
on Friday this year can one preparing the food for Shabbat on Friday,
taste it without swallowing, to see if it is well prepared? Do you
then make a bracha?
On a
similar question (429) we wrote:
A.
Remoh (O.H. 567: 1) rules that on a communal fasting day one should
not taste the food without swallowing. Mishna Berura (ibid. 6)
however permits when someone is preparing a mitzvah banquet, to taste
a tiny bit, without swallowing any, to ascertain that it is salted
and flavored properly. (See also Pri Megodim 250: 1 and Piskey
Teshuvos ibid.)
Horav
Shlomo Millers’s Shlit’a opinion is that if it is necessary to
taste the food l’kvod Shabbos as above, you may do so, yet don’t
make a brocho.
Rabbi
A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam,
Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs
Shlit'a
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Posted 1/10/2025 11:31 AM |
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#5248 A Fast Fast?
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- Q. I find it very strange that we fast on a Friday this year as it is the 10th of Teveth, why don’t we pushed off for a later day as it is usually done?
A. On a similar question (#40) years back we answered:
The fast of Asara b’Teves occurs on a Friday about 20 % of the time. (next one will be Dec. 13, 2013). The fast continues until after the completion of Maariv for Shabbos.
The Avudraham (Taanios p. 254), in the name of the Responsa of the Geonim, mentions that unlike other fast days (except Yom Kippur) if the Tenth of Teves were to fall out on a Shabbos this fast would actually be observed on that day. This is because of the verse “Etzem Hayom Haze” (“this very day”) mentioned in Yehchezkel 24)-2, is similar to the phrase “B’etzem Hayom Haze” written in regards to Yom Kippur in Vaikrah 23-28.
He further explains that our calendar calculation is such that the only public fast which can fall on Erev Shabbos is the tenth of Tevet. He adds that if the 13 of Adar falls on Shabbos, we move Taanit Esther back to Thursday, to avoid not being able to proper prepare for Shabbos.
Kol Bo mentions another reason, that it is Darkei Haemori, as other religions fast on Friday. Evidently this is not enough to override the Etzem Hayom Haze.
See also Chidushei R. Chaim (Stencils – Rosh Hashana), who explains that Asara B’Teves is similar to a Taanit Chalom, the fasting for a nightmarish dream, that one observes even on Shabbos, since it brings relief only when kept immediately.
Some further explain that Asara B’Teves is not essentially only a historical fast day of mourning, but rather, like Taanit Chalom, a day of fasting for an actual occurrence of today, as it is in this day that the Heavenly Court decides if the Geulah will take place in this particular year. (Chasam Sofer Vaikra- Drush Zain Adar, see also Ohr Sameach H’ Taanis 5-6).
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/9/2025 3:11 PM |
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#5247 - Keep the Chanuka Lights Always On and Truly Bless the Great Good Wife!
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- Q. See question 5241 above. Should a "Mi Sheberach" blessing be recited in shul at the reading of the Torah on this Shabbat for all wives and women that were so instrumental in complying with the great mitzva of Chanuka, to thank them for all the great extra work involved?
A. Indeed, as we have already indicated in regard to other Yamim Tovim, a public acknowledgement and recognition for the great work and effort of our women is not only an obligation, but a most beautiful enlightening act.
Specially in our occasion to keep the great an beautiful lights of the Menorah on for the rest of the year, as was done and will be done soon in the Beth Hamikdash.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a.
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:56 PM |
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#5246 Have You Got A Light?
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- Q. (See above questions – I was stranded in an airport during Chanuka.,.). Should I have purchased some cigarettes and light one in the permitted smoking area outside?
Does the Rav have any other idea of what should I have done?
A. It is unlikely that any cigarette would last lit close to a half an hour, especially today’s fire-safe cigarettes that turn themselves off after five minutes.
Even if one would light a cigar, Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that a flame is required and a burning glow does not qualify. Besides and most important, the mitzva is pirsumei nissa, letting the miracles of Chanuka be known and that is done by lighting a menora with oil or candles, but not with cigars.
As mentioned above, Horav Shlomo Miller’s opinion is that one should avoid at all costs traveling during Chanuka outside of town, since there are many issues involved that can affect the compliance of the mitzva.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:18 PM |
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#5245 The Torah of the Menorah
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- Q. Can one seat and learn Torah using mostly the Menorah light during the beginning of lighting?
A. Shulchan Aruch (673: 1) prohibits. However Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that there are many ways when it can be permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:16 PM |
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#5244 - To Bee or Not to Bee?
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- Q. When using candles for Chanuka, is it better to use bees wax?
A. As discussed with Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a bees wax may involve Kashrus issues and it may be avoided.
However, in practice it can be used.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:14 PM |
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#5243 - More Light Needed
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- Q. We light in shul and sometimes at home Hanuka candles that were already used properly, yet since the time of correct compliance was over, and people had to leave, the lights were turned off.
Is it better to use the leftover lights again or it is more respectful to turn on new fresh lights?
A. Poskim disagree. Shulchan Aruch (O.H. 673 : 4 and Mishna Berura 31) maintain that the old ones should be used, since a mitzva was already done with them However maintains that new ones should be used as was the tradition in the Beis Hamikdosh.
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that in principle it would depend on which ones light better.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:12 PM |
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#5242 Mexican Poles, Really?
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- Q. Honorable Rabino Nero Yair. I don’t think there is another acceptable Halacha authority we could consult on this most unusual question.
An actually religious neighbor wants to do an important Kiruv Chanukkah Party on the last day of Chanukkah and benefit all of our mixed Mexican neighborhood by lighting Chanukkah candles for all (literally many hundreds).
He wants to place on poles at the permitted height some constant burning fireworks that will even last an hour. Is that OK? Will they comply with the mitzvah?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that t since the above is similar to the traditions and practices of the Gentiles in keeping their festivities, it should be avoided.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:09 PM |
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#5241 - Bless the Great Good Wife!
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- Q. Kevod Moreinu Horav Shlit”a. Thank you for all your many great and very well accepted answers. We are planing on the last day of Hanuka to do a big hopefully beautiful and successful family and friends party.
I know that women have a limitation of doing work some time even after the lighting of candles. Yet as obvious, my wife has to prepare to attend our many guest, any suggestions how to permit?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that since the work done is for the purpose of enhancing and benefiting the mitzva of Chanuka lights it becomes part of it and is permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:07 PM |
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#5240 Love That Picture?
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- Q. See question above. If permitted, are the parents and friends allowed to take a picture of them, since the will be benefiting from a Ner Chanuka?
A. In other common situations when the lighting of the menorah is correct and proper, we wrote the following shailah to the taking of pictures:
“419 Q. Hi Rabbi, Can I take pictures of my kids and family by the Hanukah menorah or is this considered as deriving benefit from the light of the Hanukah candles?
A. Chelek Levy (Y.D. 124) permits taking photographs from a matzeivah and benefiting either from glancing at it or selling it, although it is prohibited to benefit from the burial monument itself. His reasoning is that if it would be forbidden to gaze at the pictur
In Pesachim (26a) we learn that there in no meilah or misuse of kodshim for just looking although it still is rabinically prohibited, he quotes Tosafos (ibid.) that it only applies to kodshim and not other benefit prohibitions. He also reasons that it is an indirect benefit.However, Alenu Leshabeach (Shemos, Responsa 3) maintains that one should not use a picture taken by the menorah if that light enhances the picture. He also questions the widespread use of photography by the Kosel, when it is used as a background.
Most Poskim are lenient on the benefit of pictures taken on Shabbos of a newborn at the hospital by a Gentile, especially if he charges for them as he is photographing for his own advantage.(Beer Moshe 3: 84, Yalkut Yosef O.H. 9: 307: 26, Ad’ney Shlomo p. 117, however Melachim Amanecha p.73 following his reasoning in Alenu Leshabeach, is stringent)
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that you can take and use a picture of a Chanuka menorah, since after all it is a mitzvah to gaze at the candles.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:05 PM |
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#5239 - Hold On to The Hold
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- Q. See question above. Q. If it is correct, do they themselves comply with the mitzva?
A. As mentioned above. Not only does one not comply with the mitzva of lighting Chanuka candles, it is likely prohibited for following the customs of other religions.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Yaakov Hirschman, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 1/3/2025 12:02 PM |
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Important Numbers
