When something scary or upsetting has happened and your child either witnessed it or knows about it, it's important to intervene. Don't wait for the child to come to you and don't assume that if she doesn't come, that she's okay. Instead, assume that if she's been exposed to something scary or upsetting, she is scared or upset! Show her that you are there for her at such times - there to turn to, there for support. "That was really scary/upsetting, wasn't it?" can be your opening remark. Whether she talks about it or not, you can talk about the way one normally feels in such situations. "No one feels comfortable when that happens. It can be confusing and disturbing." By naming common emotional reactions, you are helping to normalize and validate your youngster's feelings, thereby helping her to let them go. Your physical presence and willingness to talk about what happened is all she needs; don't encourage her to shut down her feelings by rushing to tell her that everything is alright. Instead, just let her know that you are there with her and you'll go through it together. See my book "The Fear Fix" for more strategies to help kids through stress.
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