Every behavioral pattern is wired into the brain. When you want to change your child's behavior, you must change the wiring. For example, suppose your 8 year old (or 18 year old) calls you names when he's upset. You tell him he's not allowed to speak to you that way. You haven't touched his wiring. The next time he's upset, those same wires will run their program of verbal abuse. You need to have him DO the correct behavior - think of this as laying down one new pattern of wires. Then PRAISE him for doing the correct behavior. Think of this as adding 50 more "free" wires to this pattern. To accomplish this, wait until both you and he are calm. Then explain that he can't speak to you disrespectfully when he's mad. Then tell him what he IS ALLOWED to say when he is angry. Then ask him to say that. Then praise him for saying it. You're done for now; you've installed new wiring!
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