Let's analyze this scene: a child is having a meltdown because she didn't get her way. Mom is standing firm on the issue and Dad, a kindly soul, is telling Mom to "loosen up" and let the child have what she wants. Analysis: When a child screams because she isn't getting what she wants, no trauma is actually occurring. No one ever shows up to therapy in adulthood complaining about the day that Mom said "no" to popsicles. However, Dad's compassion for the child CAN produce trauma. People DO show up to therapy talking about how much their parents argued and particularly how much they argued about parenting. "I felt it was my fault that they got divorced..." In this scenario we would advise Dad not to be alarmed by his daughter's tears. If Mom had been screaming at the little girl, then yes - try to help out because screaming parents can cause trauma. We would tell Dad that learning to accept "no" gracefully is an important life skill and he should allow his calm but firm wife to teach it. Even if Dad feels that Mom is cold-hearted ("She never gives our daughter treats.."), trying to change this in front of the daughter is a dangerous approach. Dad should discuss it alone with his wife or together with her and a therapist.
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