When a child is openly defiant (in a "you can't make me" sort of way), stay cool, calm and collected. It may be that he is upset about something or over-tired or testing limits or driven by his genes. Whatever the reason, he isn't "bad" - he is in need of guidance and help. If the issue isn't important, drop it and walk away. Create a plan to use a positive strategy in order to strengthen the desired behavior. However, if the issue is important (cannot safely be ignored), don't stare or glare; quietly but firmly repeat your request to give your youngster one more opportunity to comply (i.e. "You need to get off of the baby right now." or "Please move the bike right now." Follow this second request with a statement of what will happen if he or she chooses not to comply: "Or I'll have to help you get off the baby," or "Or I'll have to move the bike myself." "And if I have to do that, then such & such consequence will occur." Asking the child to comply with an important request or face an unpleasant consequence, gives HIM control of the situation while it helps provide motivation for cooperation. See the 2X-Rule in my book "Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice" for examples of how do this kindly, firmly and effectively. Use the technique only when you absolutely must, as when it is over-used it can INCREASE, rather than decrease, defiance.
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