If it's hard for adults to manage their anger, we can understand that it is even HARDER for kids! They are even more impulsive and reactive than we are. Helping them learn to step back requires our good model of course. Let's imagine for a moment that we provided that already; what else can we do to help them express their feelings in calm words rather than in hysterical fits? Education involves many steps - we'll cover them one at a time over the next several posts. For now, we'll do Step One: Teaching the skill of De-escalation. This step should be done at a regular bedtime or dinnertime - not when a child is upset. It includes talking about anger, explaining the powerfully physical energy of anger and describing the harm that unrestrained anger can inflict. It involves explaining what a person can say or do when he or she FEELS like screaming or hitting. Explain the importance of being able to leave the room to calm down and offer calming strategies (not pounding a pillow or tearing up things - these actually INCREASE rage rather than decrease it). Introduce the idea of drinking something slowly to help slow down heart rate and breathing, and help turn off the rush of adrenalin. Or teach the yoga "Child Pose" which helps release calming chemistry. For the school-age and older child, teach slow breathing and/or coloring for the same purpose. Or teach your own favorite calm-down-regroup techniques. Step One in anger management is being able to turn off the fight-or-flight response. If you don't teach your child how to do it, she won't know how to do it.
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