Step 3 Anger Management: In the last 2 posts we saw how to teach your child how to calm herself down and how to express her feelings appropriately. You explained what she needed to do and you engaged in role play so she could practice. On this third step, you will now expect your child to carry out these steps DURING real moments of frustration. At first, of course, she'll probably just explode in her "old" way. If she is not completely overwhelmed with emotion, you can approach her now to help redirect her, but if she is too upset, you can wait till she is calmer before beginning her real-life practice session. When she is ready, you will remind her of what you taught her and ask her to take the appropriate steps (i.e. leave the room, do some stretches, start thinking about the problem and decide what she should have done,) When she's done the calming down steps, take your daughter back to the scene of the fight to "do it over." Help her to use her words to ask for what she wants. Reinforce the new assertive brain pattern with plenty of praise, positive labeling and possibly even a reward. Repeat these steps regularly until she is capable of skipping the "exploding" step. With some children this will be a few weeks after you start the re-education process and with others it will take a few years. However long it takes, it's worth it; your child's adult happiness depends on her ability to manage anger successfully.
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