In the heat of the parenting or marriage moment, the goal is to minimize damage. When a child or partner is intensely agitated or upset, YOU cannot force him or her to turn off those feelings; you can only (if you are physically safe) remain calm and present, waiting for the storm to settle enough that you can say something. What you choose to say at that moment may be minimal - something that acknowledges the distress, promises to address it at a specific time later on, and helps to redirect the person (i.e. "I understand you're really upset at me right now...let's talk about that after dinner and see what we can do about it...right now, we have to leave.") Take time AFTERWARD to think about what you want the person to know for the future. Think about strategies you might use in your communication and/or intervention. Then apply those strategies when the time is right.
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