Q. A Jewish man is sitting at his desk at work, having just said the words "Baruch ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam" of bentching. Suddenly, his gentile boss walks in, accompanied by an entourage of distinguished individuals in the company, who desire to greet the Jew and ask him certain questions. The head of the entourage, a gentile lady and a CEO, introduces herself to the Jew and extends her hand to him in greeting. What should the Jew do, as he may not speak now nor may he shake her hand? Regrettably, he is bentching by heart, so he cannot even point to a siddur in his hand so as to indicate that he is in the middle of Grace. What would the Rav advise him to do to avoid transgressing any issurim? [In a similar situation, there was a certain very big rabbi who pretended that he was having chest pains, and grabbed his chest, and by the time that medical assistance was summoned, he had finished davening! Is this perhaps what the Rav would advise, as certainly it is a dovor poshut that one cannot be mafsik nor may he shake a lady's hand.]
A. It is important to clarify that there are two separate issues involved in this shailah. Let us deal first with a man returning a handshake to a woman. Most Poskim prohibit returning a handshake. One of the first was Od Yosef Hai, ( P. Shoftim 22) who quotes the European practice of clenching the hands of the host and hostess when arriving in a person’s home, and states that because this expresses mutual feelings of friendship and affection, it is considered derech chibah or an affectionate act and therefore forbidden. Igrois Moshe (O. H. 1: 114) maintains that the modern handshake is likewise proscribed, even though it has become the standard greeting for men and women alike. Many other Poskim likewise rule that one may not shake any woman’s hand, Jewish or not: (Oz Nidberu 2:73, Be’er Moshe 4:130,, Rivevos Efraim 8:596:8, Avnei Yashfei 2:89:1. Emes Le-Yaakov Even Ha-Ezer 21, footnote 4; Beis Avi 2:121. et. al.). There are some dissenting opinions, specially when causing embarrassment or kavod habrios is involved. It also should be mentioned that in modern times, a refusal to return a handshake is not anymore considered by many as embarrassing someone. This is due to the fact that this is constantly done by observers of other religions and individuals afraid of disease contamination).
As far as hefsek is concerned, Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that since you are reciting birchat hamazon, your lips should be moving and the words should be said quietly, therefore you may make them aware, by pointing to your mouth that you are praying and signal that you will finish shortly. Since your hands are busy, it will take care of the handshake too. You may also prefer to write a short explanatory note.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit’a
Important Numbers
