Q. I was invited to a wedding, being acquainted with one of the parents of the bride. I do not know either the bride or the groom and I am also not the kind of person who is able to gladden the groom through dancing. Is there a problem of eating at the wedding having not participated in the gladdening of the groom?
A. Indeed Shulchan Aruch (E. H. 65: 1) rules that, “There is a mitzvah to rejoice with the Chosson and Kallah and to dance before them.” Poskim mention different ways to comply with this mitzvah. Beer Sheva (50), based upon the above source, writes that the main form of fulfilling this mitzva is by congratulating and complimenting the chosson and thereby enhancing his simcha (see Yaskil Avdi 8" 20:58, Divrei Torah 1:8).
2. Likewise, Harav Chaim Kanievsky Zt'L rules that in order to fulfill one’s obligation one must go over to the chosson and wish him “mazal tov” (oral ruling cited in the Sefer Yismach Lev 251).
3.Horav Elyashiv zt”l rules that if one comes to a wedding when the Chosson and Kallah are still in the “yichud room,” he may partake from the meal and even leave before the couple exits the “yichud room.” He explains that the mere fact that he came and was another person at the wedding gladdens the chosson and kallah. The chosson and kallah desire there to be a lot of people at their wedding and merely by attending the wedding he fulfills his obligation. (Sefer Yismach Lev ibid.)
4. The Shulchan Haezer (vol. 2 page 72) writes that there are those who are not gifted in singing and dancing and are unable to gladden the chosson and kallah in the classical ways. They, therefore, can give gifts that would give simcha to the chosson and kallah.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller and Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu Shlit'a.
Important Numbers
